


We Tralfamadorians read them all at once.

by Firebog



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 08:51:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1298884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firebog/pseuds/Firebog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time."</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Tralfamadorians read them all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> Some obvious canon divergence because season nine I am not sure why you are the way you are.
> 
> The quote is from Slaughterhouse-Five. If you feel so inclined, it's page 112 of the Dial Press Trade Paperback 2009 edition. For those with a different edition it's very early on in chapter 5. 
> 
> Just as an aside, I think Castiel would only really understand Atticus Finch's explanation of what courage is after he met the Winchesters. Prior to that I don't think he'd understand why you'd undertake something when you knew you were going to lose.

*

"There isn't any particular relationship between all the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising and deep. There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time."

*

 

 

What We Love In Our Books

*

As an angel Castiel never really appreciated books. He had reverence for particular texts as an angel but he had not appreciated them. Being new to humanity it takes him awhile to understand that he cannot devour novel after novel without looking up. The first time he does it his head hurts and his eyes feel strained. He had sat quietly and read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in one day because Dean quotes it so often and he wants to understand. He wants to finally get the references.

*

It was Sam who explained to him the trick to reading. Look away every ten to fifteen minutes. It helps with eye strain. Humans have to be careful about their eyes. Human vision fades with time no matter how well they take care of their eyes. He frowns to himself when he thinks that and changes it, **_I_** _must take care of **my** eyes because **my** vision will fade with time._ Castiel wonders if one day he might need glasses. It's a disturbing thought.

*

Castiel tries to read and understand Slaughterhouse-Five because Dean references this book quite often. It's confusing. He's not sure if he's missing some integral part because he hasn't been immersed in human culture his entire life or if the book is simply a confusing book. Castiel reads it but he's not sure he understands it. His favourite passage is when women dismantle bombs and recycle them back into the earth where they can no longer be used as weapons. He likes this part but something about it tells him he's missing a vital piece of the story that puts this passage into context within the book. When he goes to Dean for an explanation they end up talking well into the night. Dean laughs when they both start yawning. They turn out the lights and fall into bed together. Just as unconsciousness is pulling him down Castiel hears Dean murmur a quiet, _Goodnight Cas, love you_. Castiel is asleep before he can respond. The next morning Castiel is only a little bit irritated that he had almost missed Dean saying it for the first time because Dean had waited until he was almost asleep. The next night Castiel is ready for it and gets to say it back, _Goodnight Dean, love you too_.

*

The books Castiel is reading are a secret. Charlie smuggled them into the bunker a month ago. Most are bound but some are loose pages secured in binders. Castiel has read these before but he did not appreciate them at the time. Now as Castiel reads them he appreciates the story. He makes it through the many books in this series in two weeks. He reads them through a second time and enjoys it just as much. Castiel loves this series even though he knows how it ends. He finds it an incredibly insightful look into the human condition and that's what he is now. Human. He should have better insight into why humans do the things they do since he's one of them now. These books help and it helps that the series is set in a context he understands and knows rather intimately.

*

It also helps that he loves the people in this series- Dean most of all. He loves their quirks and personalities. He loves the things that they love because they love it. As a human he more fully commiserates with their pain, understanding now why the worst physical injury may pale in comparison to an emotional injury. He better understands now why they grasp desperately at everything around them. Why no matter what they don't want to let go. Heaven my be a dream of eternal peace but it does not make up for the passion with which these people live their lives. He wonders if he is living his life as a human with the same amount of verve.

*

 

Many Marvelous Moments

*

The first time he catches Castiel nodding off in exhaustion Dean worries that the newly minted human in the bunker might be sick. It happens twice more before Dean realizes Castiel simply does not know when his body is wearing down and needs rest. Dean has to explain that no amount of coffee can substitute for actual sleep. Dean's sure Castiel still doesn't quite comprehend that humans spend a third of their lives unconscious just so they can function or maybe Castiel just doesn't want to believe it.

*

The next time Castiel collapses in exhaustion Dean picks him up intent on putting him to bed except Castiel is heavier than he looks, despite losing weight in the few weeks he's been human because he often forgets to eat, instead of walking all the way down the hall to Castiel's room Dean tucks him into his own bed. It's just closer. Easier this way. Castiel wakes up a few hours later and ambles back out to the library and joins them at the table doing research. After that day Dean's just as likely to find Castiel sleeping in his bed as he is not. Sometimes Castiel crawls silently into bed with him in the middle of the night and curls into a ball by his side. Castiel always sleeps curled up like this, like he's trying to hold on to himself.

*

The first time Castiel is actually sick he drags himself into Dean's bed and doesn't leave for two weeks. Castiel says his room is too cold. Dean begrudgingly puts up with someone sniffling, snorting, and coughing in his ear all night. Begrudgingly apparently includes bringing Castiel soup and orange juice, reading him To Kill A Mocking Bird, and rubbing Vick's VapoRub onto his chest while Hey Jude plays quietly in the background. Dean's sure Sam's going to say something about where Castiel has chosen to retreat to while sick but the most Sam does is to ask how Castiel is feeling. Kevin never mentions it all.

*

The next time it's him that's sick. He's picked up whatever it was that Castiel had. Castiel tries his hardest to reciprocate the care Dean gave him. Dean eats the terrible cold soup that Castiel brings him. He drinks the lukewarm orange juice because Castiel forgets to put it in the fridge. Dean tries to explain Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep as Castiel reads it aloud. He wipes the excess VapoRub off his chest while Castiel isn't looking and shows him how the record player works. Castiel doesn't complain when he sniffles, snorts, and coughs into his ear all night. Instead Castiel gently presses his lips to Dean's and whispers goodnight. Dean's only a little irritated that he's sick for their first kiss.

*

 

All At One Time

*

As an angel Castiel never understood personal space. Dean's becoming certain that Castiel actually _couldn't_ understand it. It makes a sort of sense to Dean now when he thinks about it. Why would a being that could move _through_ a physical object think it's strange to stand near one? As a human Castiel seems to at least note that if he stands too close to people it feels awkward for the other person. Dean's sure Castiel still doesn't quite understand why it feels awkward but he gives everyone at the bunker a reasonable amount of personal space most days. Everyone except Dean. It doesn't feel awkward.

*

The first time he catches Castiel in the shower room staring at himself in the mirror Dean worries that he broke a rib on that last hunt after all. Castiel prods his ribcage looking concerned. When Dean asks what's wrong. Castiel responds with a question of his own, _I don't eat enough do I?_ Dean wonders how long Castiel has unintentionally been starving himself without him noticing. It's a disturbing thought. So he brings Castiel to the kitchen and starts showing him how to cook. Nobody seems to notice the way Castiel hovers near Dean's side while cooking. Nobody seems to notice it when Dean pulls his chair around to Castiel's side of the table and sits next to him. Nobody seems to notice that they share a glass of water. Nobody seems to notice but they do share a few knowing looks.

*

It was Sam who discovered that Castiel had been reading the Supernatural books. Dean immediately suspects Charlie as the culprit who enabled this. He'll have words with her later. Dean worries about what Castiel might have read in the books. Castiel is not in the least shocked by anything in the books, he has after all lived them. Dean tries to argue that they're embarrassing and should be burned on sight. He's naked in there for crying out loud and anyone can read about it. Castiel argues that nudity is not embarrassing. Dean's certain that Castiel doesn't know what it means to be embarrassed. As it turns out he does and he regrets many of those embarrassing past decisions. Castiel is embarrassed by how many times he gave up hope while those around him clung to it by the skin of their teeth. Dean lets him win the argument because Castiel used the phrase _by the skin of their teeth_ in a sentence and actually knew what it meant.

*

The next time Castiel mentions those books they are in bed. Castiel feels like this is a conversation to have in the quiet of the middle of the night. That it will be easier this way. Castiel quietly says he is nearly finished reading the book series a third time. There is a long pause before Castiel asks Dean if he would have really said yes to Michael if he hadn't intervened in that alley. Dean hesitates to answer. In the end he tells Castiel it was one of his more embarrassing moments.

*

Castiel tries his best at deciphering what's going on in the bunker. The others stare at him frequently. He knows this is unusual behaviour because when he used to stare that way people commented on it. He overhears Kevin and Charlie speaking one day in the kitchen. He pauses just outside in the hallway and listens. They are discussing whether he and Dean have done it, though the way they say it Castiel imagines it would be capitalized. It. Had they done **_It._** Done what? Castiel would like to ask what the It was that they are referring to but he knows that it's not polite among humans to eavesdrop. He walks into the kitchen and they stare.

*

The first time they have sex Castiel comments that the books do no justice at describing Dean's body. They focus too much on sexualizing him and so miss out on the many more interesting details. Dean laughs because Castiel is sexualizing the hell out of his freckles.

*

The books Castiel is looking for are on the top shelf. Kevin has requested them for translating. It was Sam who put them away. Castiel wonders if Sam is aware just how much taller he is than everyone else in the bunker. Castiel stares up at the books wishing he still had his grace. It's Dean that appears instead. Dean notices him staring up at the books and shows him the time honoured human tradition of using a broom to knock things down from high places. Dean however is tall enough to reach the top shelf so he only knocks down one book in demonstration and takes the rest down by hand. Dean has to stand on his toes to do it.

*

The next time it's Dean who needs Castiel's help. There are just too many people underfoot. Dean has never had to live with this many people before. There's nothing wrong with Kevin or Charlie or Linda or Sam there's just too many of them. He slips into Castiel's room and asks if he can hide in here for a bit. He just needs to be alone for a few seconds. Castiel says of course and goes to leave. Dean catches his arm and tells him to stay. They argue about the meaning of the word alone. Castiel lets Dean win the argument, he prefers Dean's definition. Dean grins and assigns Castiel the task of turning away anyone coming to look for him. Castiel is a diligent bouncer but it helps that the bunker is big enough to give everyone some much needed space.

*

It also helps that he loves the people in bunker. Castiel most of all- though Sammy's a pretty close second. The bunker is home now and his family lives here. It has taken Dean awhile to not be suspicious of how things are coming together. Every day is just a little bit easier. The best days are days when he wakes up beside Castiel and that's every day because now it's not his room anymore it's theirs. The best nights are the nights they stay up; talking, touching, kissing, screwing, but eventually they do have to sleep. When they sleep Castiel drapes across him and won't be budged until he wakes. Castiel always sleeps like this, like he will hold on to Dean no matter what. So Dean wraps an arm around him because he will too.

*


End file.
